So, I am the first person to confess that I am indeed a creature of habit. I like driving places certain ways, I like doing things in certain orders, I buy the same products, ect. I am particular about what I do and what I use.
Last week Jack and I decided that a trade of offices (within our main office) was the best option. Jack is currently going to school full time and is only in the office for about 1 day out of the week. And since I have a overly controlling office monster two offices down from me, I decided that I needed to move to the back of the office. Jack's office was right next to my dad's, in the back of the main office. Far far away from Satan and definitely not in an ear shot. (one of the biggest pet peeve's of mine is eavesdropping on a conversation I am having and then correcting me while I'm in the middle of a conversation with a borrower... this happened all the time by the office Nazi) After talking it over with Jack and my dad, we decided that it was the best for me to be next to my dad so I could get trained on some new things by him.
On Thursday of last week, the moving of the offices began. I proceeded the packing up of Jack's office (he was in school) and the transfer of his items into my office. And then once his office was cleaned out I packed up my stuff (which is a TON of crap) and transfered it over to the new office. I have realized that moving in general is horrible... whether it be a across town move of a residence or a across office move, they both equally suck.
Once in the new office I have realized a couple of things... One: My previous office was much bigger. Two: The back half of our office is much warmer than the front area where my old office was. And Three: It is nice and peaceful back here.
Though I am loving the new office with all local amenities (windows, across the hall from the break room, and within close proximity to my dad). But being a creature of habit... I have found myself being pulled as if by a gravitational phenominon to the old office. I will run to the restroom and upon entrance to our reception area, I will head straight for the other office. In the mornings when I get into work, the first destination still tries to be the old office. I guess after 7-8 years of being in the other office, it will take a while to adjust.
I am happy in my cramped little office, and I am enjoying the opportunity to watch people fix their hair and makeup in my window (our office is a mirrored building).
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Once again, I got burnt... burnt bad...
So, recently I was schooled at my own game. What game is this you ask? The game of wreaking havoc on people's hearts. I was on a top secret mission that only my close friends knew about... Operation Phantom Double Team... (no details will be given). And as this mission was well underway, I met this sultry mistress that stole my interest. She is beautiful and fun, someone that I could look past the imperfections of. We became close friends and were at each other's beckoned call. She is amazing and intelligent. We quickly became good friends. As my feelings for her amplified, so did my caution. Being in this situation before and having my confidence and trust shattered, I'm a very hesitant guy. I think these things out long and hard before I decide to go after something. As we got to know one another, I realized the hurdles that were present for any willing man to conquer before they could soften the tense tissues of her hardened/hurting heart.
My work was cut out for me... I decided to play the waiting game and just keep my feelings to myself. Maybe it would just take time to heal her still weeping wounds. I'm a patient guy sometimes... So, the process began. I was the shoulder she could cry on, I was the person who for the most part had been there and done that (because I really had). I was working the angle pretty well, it was all going smoothly until something happened… It was New Years Eve and (after much convincing) she got me to a NYE dance. Most people who know me would be SHOCKED that 1) I was out of my house on NYE and 2) I was at a Young Single Adult dance! Those are the two things that I despise most! Regardless, I got a little jealous at the dance at some guys that were hitting on her pretty hard. After the New Year came and gone, I left the dance and suffice it to say, I wasn’t in a good mood. Because of communication complications, I didn’t get to really talk to her until the next day. Long story cut short, I laid my feelings on the line because she pushed me to tell her why I didn’t like the new guy from the dance. After opening myself up for a total annihilation of feelings and confidence, she said that we had different feelings for one another. I can accept that, I know it takes two to tango… I refuse to be in another relationship like my last. If I had lost friends because they didn’t feel the same way about me, then I would be missing out on some of the closest friendships in my life. I would rather have those that I am interested in remain as friends rather than lose them to something as trivial as feelings.
After the puking of my feelings through thumbs (text messaging). She went back to how things were before, not thinking twice about it… Only to end up not talking to me 6 days later. It’s funny how things happen that you could never for see. Sometimes it’s like a switch just flips in someone’s mind that makes a decision… and some are too stubborn to flip that switch back off. I’m not saying that the switch flipping is good or bad, I say that it is different for each situation, in this situation… I don’t understand it at all. There was no reason for her to leave me (that I can see), but I’m sure that there is a reason in her head.
I’m so distraught about how things happened. I know I really had no control of how things went… but still have a hard time not talking to someone that I really truly care for and have grown really close to. It’s crazy to think that a relationship so close (not that we ever dated really, but just as friends) can be ended so abruptly. It really shook my very existence. It made me question myself and pretty much everything about me. It made me think that I was a horrible person, or that I am that easily left/replaceable. It completely threw most of my (what I thought were sure things and thoughts) off of their comfortable axis. It made me do a lot of looking at myself to find out how it is that all the girls that I have interest in end up destroying me mentally. The conclusion that I have found is that I have a big heart and find good things in everyone, with big hopes to the future, and I easily accept everyone. Now the resolve: I resolve to not open my heart until a solid relationship is there. I refuse to continually be hurt, stepped on, used, abused, left out to dry, and pretty much railed in every sense of the word. I know I should learn from these experiences, but it seems that I run back to the same situations every time. I am truly becoming less and less open and loving. I really need to protect myself. I don’t need to open my heart to everyone when I first meet them. If I come across as a jerk, then so be it. It’s not worth my sanity and happiness.
To any girl who has an interest in me in the future… Sorry, but you are going to have to work pretty damn hard to get me to open up. Good luck.
My work was cut out for me... I decided to play the waiting game and just keep my feelings to myself. Maybe it would just take time to heal her still weeping wounds. I'm a patient guy sometimes... So, the process began. I was the shoulder she could cry on, I was the person who for the most part had been there and done that (because I really had). I was working the angle pretty well, it was all going smoothly until something happened… It was New Years Eve and (after much convincing) she got me to a NYE dance. Most people who know me would be SHOCKED that 1) I was out of my house on NYE and 2) I was at a Young Single Adult dance! Those are the two things that I despise most! Regardless, I got a little jealous at the dance at some guys that were hitting on her pretty hard. After the New Year came and gone, I left the dance and suffice it to say, I wasn’t in a good mood. Because of communication complications, I didn’t get to really talk to her until the next day. Long story cut short, I laid my feelings on the line because she pushed me to tell her why I didn’t like the new guy from the dance. After opening myself up for a total annihilation of feelings and confidence, she said that we had different feelings for one another. I can accept that, I know it takes two to tango… I refuse to be in another relationship like my last. If I had lost friends because they didn’t feel the same way about me, then I would be missing out on some of the closest friendships in my life. I would rather have those that I am interested in remain as friends rather than lose them to something as trivial as feelings.
After the puking of my feelings through thumbs (text messaging). She went back to how things were before, not thinking twice about it… Only to end up not talking to me 6 days later. It’s funny how things happen that you could never for see. Sometimes it’s like a switch just flips in someone’s mind that makes a decision… and some are too stubborn to flip that switch back off. I’m not saying that the switch flipping is good or bad, I say that it is different for each situation, in this situation… I don’t understand it at all. There was no reason for her to leave me (that I can see), but I’m sure that there is a reason in her head.
I’m so distraught about how things happened. I know I really had no control of how things went… but still have a hard time not talking to someone that I really truly care for and have grown really close to. It’s crazy to think that a relationship so close (not that we ever dated really, but just as friends) can be ended so abruptly. It really shook my very existence. It made me question myself and pretty much everything about me. It made me think that I was a horrible person, or that I am that easily left/replaceable. It completely threw most of my (what I thought were sure things and thoughts) off of their comfortable axis. It made me do a lot of looking at myself to find out how it is that all the girls that I have interest in end up destroying me mentally. The conclusion that I have found is that I have a big heart and find good things in everyone, with big hopes to the future, and I easily accept everyone. Now the resolve: I resolve to not open my heart until a solid relationship is there. I refuse to continually be hurt, stepped on, used, abused, left out to dry, and pretty much railed in every sense of the word. I know I should learn from these experiences, but it seems that I run back to the same situations every time. I am truly becoming less and less open and loving. I really need to protect myself. I don’t need to open my heart to everyone when I first meet them. If I come across as a jerk, then so be it. It’s not worth my sanity and happiness.
To any girl who has an interest in me in the future… Sorry, but you are going to have to work pretty damn hard to get me to open up. Good luck.
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