Well, as you could probably tell, I'm not a big fan of my birthday. Really it has only been these last two years that I have been kinda bitter about turning older. The way I see it is that in the past I have always had a birthday that I have been looking forward to. When I was younger, turning 16 was the mecca of aging! Once I was 16 I was able to drive! When I turned 18 I was legal... I could buy cigarettes or cigars (as were my choice at that time). When I was 21 I could drink if I wanted to (though I never have). Once I turned 25 I was able to rent cars without having to pay extra, and my insurance dropped. Now what do I have to look forward to? When I turn 55 I guess I can get senior discounts... or when I'm 62 I can pull from Social Security if that's still around... I'm just not too thrilled to have to wait 20 some odd years to the next birthday to be excited about.
I know most people will tell me: Nick, It's another year to be alive! Be happy you have survived this far.
To answer that I say: I am glad to be alive another year, but surviving another year doesn't help the pressure the pocketbook feels, or the fact that I have successfully been a failure so far at any type of relationship. Maybe I'm just being too hard on myself, but when you see yourself growing older with out someone to grow older with you get kind of discouraged. All I want in life is to love someone with all my heart and have them love me back the same way.
I'm not really that bitter, I think that sometimes I just need to vent and get all of the negative thoughts out to make me feel better. I really think that (like New Years) birthdays are a retarded day to celebrate. I really don't see what is so special. When you have grown up, it's just another day in the life.
This year I get to give a talk in Church, and still have to go to all my meetings as a Elders Quorum President. Nothing really changes except a number I use to tell people how old I am.
Sorry for my negative attitude, Hopefully getting this out will let me enjoy the day a little more.
3 comments:
30 is a big birthday...so is 40 & 50. And...30's aren't so bad...I actually LOVE them!!!
so you've probably heard this a ton but it happened for me, as soon as i quit wanting to find someone to be married to it fell into my lap. i was doing things for the right reason, things like school, work and institue (taking a class i wanted to learn about rather then the popular class) it happened. i also use to tell myself a lot, i need to be the type of person I want to get married to.
cheer up buttercup... being old is awesome!!!
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