Depression... a dangerous addiction.

I know most people don't think of depression as a "Addiction", but in my mind it is very much so! There are a LOT of people who suffer from chronic depression, it is dangerous, and it hurts not only yourself, but those around you too. It is something that only you can over come. We need to remember that we are in control of our minds, and though prescribed medication might help us deal with it, it will only help temporarily, once the drugs run out, we are back into the eternal pit of gloom and despair.

I know how it is, I am one of the people that is constantly on this roller coaster of life, and that is EXACTLY what it is! There are going to be times that you feel good about yourself and the situations surrounding you, then there are going to be times that you feel overloaded or your heart gets broken or for no reason that you can see you are JUST NOT HAPPY. I constantly go in and out of depression, it is something that I am learning to deal with. I don't like the person I become when I am depressed, I don't treat my friends or family like I should, I over eat (and that is VERY bad for me to do... having had the Lap-Band surgery), I eat bad, I become reclusive and very moody. I have a hard time controlling my emotions and am very quick to make decisions that I would regret.

The biggest piece of getting over depression is recognizing when you start to become depressed. Once you recognize it you can find ways to help yourself out of it. Of course, with recognition... the sooner the better.

Another big piece of coming out of depression is having a support group. Talk to your family and friends, tell them your situation, and your tale tale signs of depression, and ask them to try to get your mind off of things when they see these signs start to come around.

Always remember, that most of depression stems from other people's actions. You CAN NOT control what other people decide to do. You need to remember that a lot of the actions of others are not well thought out and probably weren't meant to hurt you. If there is someone that does things TO hurt you, then run the opposite direction! No one deserves to be treated like that. And if you keep conversing with them, it will end in your constant depression and lack of self esteem. You need to look out for your health (mental and physical) and do what you need to stay healthy.

Also remember, that you are never alone... There are always people that love you and want to see you happy and continually progressing in life. If it's not friends, then it's family, if it's neither of those, then it's our Heavenly Father. God wants all of his children to live in happiness and to eventually return to live with him. In the scriptures it says that "No unclean thing can dwell in the presence of God." If you are depressed, usually you are thinking negatively, and negativity is a very unclean thing. God is an optimist, he is optimistic that all of his children are going to return home, and if your mind is polluted with negativity you are not going to be clean enough to dwell with God.**

** This is totally my opinion and not doctrine, but I STRONGLY believe that negativity is NOT tolerated in the presence of God.

2008 Goals

So, I guess I need to come up with some goals for 2008... I'm not going to lie, they are going to be realistic again. Might be boring to those who have all these grandios plans for bettering themselves, but I'm pretty much rockin' so, I guess I don't need too many goals to magnify my awesomeness.

Here are the Goals for 2008:

1. Get to my goal weight... (I know this was from last year, but I lost more than half of what I needed to, now just to finish her off!)

2. Continue to read stuff for my betterment and learning. (Scriptures, books, manuals)

3. Print pictures I have and put them around my house. I have nothing on my walls, except in my theater.

4. Get all my "traffic troubles" (as I call them) taken care of and STAY out of trouble!

5. Have all of my cars functioning by the end of the year! Yes, all four of them... I know, I know, that's a tall task... but that's what needs to happen.

6. Continue the special tradition of Buddy Clause.

7. Continue to learn about my business and get licensed in Utah and get my realtor's license.

8. Get my Photography Business up and running.

9. Be a better example of a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

10. Learn to better control my thoughts and actions.

11. Go to the temple at least once a month.

12. Be a better friend to those I love (including my family)

13. Not buy another car until I sell one I have already (this one will be tough... I'm guessing the Blazer is going bye bye to make room for a more gas efficient car)

14. Write Beau on a regular basis while he is on his mission.

15. Become someone that I would be happy being friends with (as weird as this sounds... I have been very fickle lately on a lot of things in my life. I hate it when people are fickle, and I HATE being like that and realizing that. I am going to do my best to be true to what I say I am going to do)

16. Get my personal Pilot's license (yeah, kinda out in left field on this one... I've been thinking about this for the last couple of years, but never done anything about it. I need to go to the Glendale Airport and pick up one of the study manuals so I can actually study. But there are a lot of pilots in my parent's home ward, and one said he would help me.)

I know these seem like normal goals, but this year, instead of making a list and forgetting about it I am going to be actively looking at it and working on them. I am making a list of these for myself and I am going to add a game plan so I can obtain each of them. Then, when I get a little foggy minded about why I have a goal, or how to reach it, I can have something to remind and motivate me.

New Year Resolutions... What a load of CRAP! (year numero dos)

Below is my "resolutions" list for last year. I'm going to go through and answer what the outcome of each line was below the quote
...

Well, with the New Year comes new resolutions... what a load of crap! If you ask me resolutions are a waste of time. Most people shoot for the moon only to hit a murky puddle of water and poop. So this year, instead of making all these outrageous goals, I will make goals that are actually able to be met. I will go about listing some of them below:

1. I'm going to be a jerk to pull girls

2. I'm not going to put up with petty drama from anyone (I'm not in High School anymore)

3. If anyone asks me if I'm related to Paris Hilton, I'm going to tell them to get a life.

4. If someone offers to buy my cars for lowball amounts, I will laugh and then kick them in the balls.

5. No more being taken advantage of! I'm tired of people expecting me to offer my house as a default hangout place. (I built the theater for me, not you)

6. I'm going to be painfully honest when asked any question that searches for a nice answer. I don't need to hide my real thoughts so you can have a false sense of comfort about what you did.

7. I'm going to race more.

8. I'm going to save money.

9. I'm going to start a COUPLE new ventures (aka businesses)

10. I'm going to be visiting Europe in the summer.

11. I'm going to learn how to weld good.

12. Go to school.

13. Reach my weight goal.

14. Take more pictures of things I like.

15. Read more (scriptures, books, whatever)

Fifteen is a good amount of reachable goals for now... It's something to work on anyways. I might be viewed as a dick right now, however... you live my life and you would be the same way.

Here are the outcomes:

1. Tried, turns out girls don't like nice guys or jerks... I guess girls just don't like boys in general.

2. Yeah, this one I haven't done great at, but I haven't failed at either... it comes and goes in waves. Depends on my mood and what people are being dumb about.

3. I didn't do this at all, I forgot about it to be honest. But a good one to keep for next year maybe.

4. I laughed at quite a few people... but they were all over the phone, so no ball kickage preceded the laughing.

5. Well, for the most part, this one was done pretty well. I now have control of who comes over and who doesn't for the most part.

6. If I am asked a question that I need to be honest about, I say it how it is whether or not people like the answer.

7. This one I failed miserably at. No explanation for it, just didn't happen.

8. I did pretty good for a while, but as with commission jobs, pay checks aren't guaranteed. So it came and went.

9. I started two LLCs this year, so... I guess I did it.

10. Did it, it was superb!

11. I didn't even try... I wanted to take a class, but no time to do it.

12. Started then dropped out. I couldn't get in to it... I also wasn't able to learn as fast as University of Phoenix wanted to teach.

13. Almost, dropped 100 lbs, but still have about 60 more to lose.

14. I have started to do this by buying new cameras to take the pictures with, but other than my Europe trip, no I didn't do it.

15. I have been doing my best... other than scriptures, I have read 6 books I believe, and am in the middle of another one.

Now that that is out of the way, I will start a new blog with this year's goals.

Because MyKelle is pushy... HAHA

Well, I got a email today because I received a comment on one of my blogs... I checked it and it's MyKelle telling me that I needed to post something new and exciting. Well here it is!

I'm going to Utah for the weekend, that is NEW AND EXCITING! Haha. Charli has a friend that is in a play or something and she wanted to go see it, there is also a University of Utah open house she wanted to go to as well. So, since my parents had some commitments this weekend, I stepped up as the good big brother that I am and am going with her. I'm excited to spend the weekend with my sister, she is amazing. It will be a weekend full of fun and mischief!

So, until I get back from Utah, adios!

Cameras are here! WOOOT WOOOOT!

So, the A2s got here today... I'm SO excited about them! I also found out that I won yet another eBay auction for a Mamiya RB67 pro-s medium format camera... it's a camera alot of studio photographers use. The bigger film lets you have bigger photos with better quality than a 35mm camera or even some of the more advanced Digital cameras. It will be a great asset for my landscape and wedding photography.

The Mamiya camera will be here soon... I got an email today saying that it was being shipped tomorrow from California. I'm taking it to Utah for conference I think. It will be fun to play with up there.

New Church Calling

Well the other night (during Travis' birthday dinner) I received a call from a member of the stake presidency asking me if I could meet with President Gaisford the next day at 9pm. I accepted but was SO nervous. I thought I was in trouble, or was going to be asked to speak in Stake Conference, or get a big calling.

Yeah, it was the last thought. Travis was joking with me saying that it would be Elders Quorum President. I was fighting that thought tooth and nail, I was in the presidency before, and didn't think they would call me to that. Well... I was wrong, VERY wrong. I blame Travis for my new calling!

I am excited, but very nervous too. I am greatful for the opportunity to serve in this capacity, and that I don't have to teach Gospel Doctrine anymore... haha. I just hope and pray that I will be able to do all of the responsibilities of this calling well.

Well, I'll keep you posted.

Getting on the horse again... metaphorically

So, lately I have had the uncontrollable itch to start doing Photography again... actively. I just bought 2 film cameras off of Ebay, and I'm stoked to get them! They are both Canon EOS A2 35mm film cameras. They are a professional camera (though not the top of the line). I still have my digital Canon camera, and will still be using that, but it is still limited to the size I can enlarge pictures to. Film is more versitile that way.

I have a website that is "kinda" up for my photography, it has a couple of my pictures but is definitely going to be revamped. If you feel inclined to look at it, it is www.nicholasjhilton.com

I'm super excited!

Why is there only one?!

Today I was driving to a doctor's appointment, and as I was coming upto a light, I saw a sandal in the middle of the road. I looked around and didn't see it's counter part. I started thinking and VERY rarely do I see something on the road (that is originally bought in pairs) with it's other half... be it a hooker, shoes, ect.

I just thought it was odd. How does one loose shoes in the middle of the road anyways?

The first of many...

I'm not new to the "blog thang baaaaaaby" I have just taken a little sabbatical. So, thanks to the inspiration of my long time wannabe lover MyKelle... I'm back biatches! So, stay tuned for the twisted world and mind of Nick Hilton.